Family Counselor and Communications Specialist Asst. Assoc. Dr. Omer Dogru is likening marriage of a long journey and saying “In this long journey the wheel of your car may broke, the engine may stop working, things may not go as you expected and your real personality emerges.”
Dogru pointed out that women receive much damage from the disagreements in marriage and said divorce is an option but not a right.
Asst. Assoc. Dr. Omer Dogru warns the couples who have children as “Always go to the orphanage dormitory before you divorce and ask this to a fatherless and motherless child that grows in there, watch him a little bit and then decide, he also added:
“Remember that there is only one party who loses in your each fight, which is the children.”
Marriage is a difficult way of life. And it is not a powder pink life journey as you might think. Difficulties in life stress, economic problems, and expectations of the families and the mismatches of the personalities will make the marriage more difficult. They will cause the loss of tolerance of partners to each other, and reveal the mistakes and defects.
Intolerance against your partner, expect them to be perfect, thinking that they are superhuman are among the mistakes that are made in marriage. When we look at the healthy marriages, we will see that both of the parties are quite tolerant to each other.”
“DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE YOUR PARTNER”
Asst. Assoc. Dr. Dogru point that partners were amazed by the features which are different to each other however in time they consider the differences which they enjoyed before as a problem and want their partners to change. Dogru is telling that major problems just start at this point, “Because it is almost close to impossible to change someone with yourself. A person can change some of his habits and behavior unless he wants. Perhaps you should talk with him by sitting together and also get his opinions rather than engage in force to change the things you do not like on him to ensure this”, he said.
Dogru noting that everyone is married to be happy and pointed that some of the marriage continue with ups and downs while some of them last for a life time. Dogru voiced that some of the marriages are going straight to collapse and stated that being honest to each other is the is the basis of a healthy marriage just like in all relationships. The confidence is one of the most basic human emotions and Dogru told these by emphasizing the need to have plenty of confidence in marriage:
“Not being honest to his or her partner during the marriage and continue this wrong attitude throughout the marriage creates insecurity after a while to the opposite side and it may lead to the questioning of marriage and dishonest party. Because the lies can not be hidden forever, conflicts start in a marriage based on lies. Of course there will be debates between the couples.
Couples arguing with each other solve their problems through communication and empathy. Solving problems is not easy in some marriages, if one or both of the couples blames the other party and insults, these attitudes and behavior causes a damage in the party who is accused.
SENTENCES THAT SET DYNAMITE TO THE BASIS OF MARRIAGE
Family Counselor and Communications Specialist Asst. Assoc. Dr. Omer Dogru said statements such as “You are always like this. You always do like this. It would not be expected from someone else you. You are selfish. You never change. You got this habit from your mother, father. Will I see you positive attitude in one day?” out the opposite party in a mold and stamps.
Communications Specialist Omar Dogru says that people question “Who is right?” in cases where mistakes and errors are stem from both sides stressed that statements such as “I never started the fights throughout our marriage. You always treated me badly, you humiliated me. All problems stems from you.” are the classic words of clogged marriage.
Dogru advised that parties in the institution of marriage should think themselves at first and think “What I did wrong, what may mistake can be?” He also listed the sentences that sets a dynamite in the basis of marriage as follows:
– You are always like this, you are always late, and you can not get prepared on time if you do not come on time.
-You talk a lot, I do not listen to you anymore. Learn to listen too (Used by men).
– What kind of a creature you are, I can not take you anymore. You started to look like you mother.
– Do not bring your family to our house anymore, you always change whenever they come.
– What kind of a dress is this, it did not suit you, and do you think that you are 20?
– This kid will not success because he looks like you.
– You always lie, always the same stories. Leave these lies, it is enough (Used by women).
– I already heard it, you always repeat the things, and you are like a broken record.
– What can you understand from love, a person should think his lover a bit, I pity to my years I spend with you.